Mario TV
by Eduardo Amador Amazonas
Summary: A blatant, Mario-style parody on many things. (Original works belong to their respective owners.) The Mario cast is joined by OCs of the author and a friend on this abnormal sitcom. Programming includes a broadcasting station. Contains no lemons or the like, but is rated T to be safe.
1. Meet the Cast

**A/N:**** This is just a humor/parody fic, so please don't take it to heart. Zerok Edwards, Riddle, Art, Teri, Rick and the fic **_**Game Over**_** belong to my friend, Ironpatriotrox.**

* * *

**Author:** [lively] Hello, hello, hello. And welcome to a new segment of _The Interrupting Cow News Broadcast, the ICNB._

**Audience:** [Applause and Cheers]

**Author:** [spirited, as the audience quiets down] As you all know, there are many things that people watch that they hate, like news, Chris, weathermen being right about the weather, a bad Mario movie…

**Audience:** BOOOO!

**Author: **But I haven't mentioned the worst one. And she is the reason for the premiere of our next sitcom… She is… Drum roll please.

[Drum roll]

**Author:** Mary Sue!

**Audience:** [Gasp] [Man faints.] [Indistinct chattering.]

**Author:** Now, now. We've searched far and wide for group of characters to work along this perfectly annoying and out of touch character and we found the Mario crew willing. Give them a round of applause, ladies and gents! Mario and friends!

[Mario and his friends walk onstage, waving]

**Audience:** [Applause]

**Random Man from audience:** I love you Daisy!

**Three skinny girls holding up a 'We love FAT men' sign, sporting yellow hats:** [Dreamily] Wario!

**College aged guys wearing Yoshi suits: **Yoshi! WOOOOT!

**Author:** Not only them, but OCs from different fanfics have come too. All the way from _Game Over,_ they are a band of rouges that battled against the faction bent on world domination. Give it up for, [dynamic] the yoshi Zerok, the art dude Art, Dimentio's doppelganger Riddle, the goombette Teri, and the rico suave doogan, Rick!

[All five enter.]

[Audience applause, a little tame.]

[Zerok is deadpan. Riddle, Art, and Teri wave back at the audience. Rick stops and lowers his sunglasses; smiles. His smile twinkles and prompts an ensuing cheer. He continues walking and stops again, facing a section full of women. He points at them with both hands and winks. They faint.]

**Author:** [rolls eyes] Okay, that's enough, Rick. And the last group comes from an unnamed planet. You think they seem like canonical characters, but you're in for a surprise. They are elite fighters with the cause of… [Silence] I can't say much here yet. The protagonists of the _Motif of Sacrifice_, the yoshis Sheila and Josin, kyogonians Salemence and Julian, the Dolphinius the sumo dolphin, and their doctor, Kino!

[All six come to the stage. Julian is deadpan; all others nervously wave.]

[Silence. Indistinct muttering comes from the audience.]

**Person 1:** Kyo… what?

**Person 2:** Isn't Salamence a Pokémon?

**Person 3:** What's so great about them? Those Yoshis look like someone stuck a Yoshi's head on a human body!

[All six sweat drop. Kino then dashes to audience and tries to impress them by making a snowflake. They clap and smile tamely, while a man foams from the mouth and passes out.]

**Kino:** [stares down the foaming man] Right.

**Author:** [sweats a bit and clears throat] Ahem. Uuuuh… [Whispers to a producer] Where's Mary Sue?

**Producer:** Her contract states she starts tomorrow.

**Author: **Great news everyone. Mary Sue will not be here today.

**Audience:** YEEEEAAHH!

**Julian:** [While audience cheers] What's so special about this chick? Is she someone who is so perfect that no one like her?

**Author:** Exactly. And I need the help of all three crews represented here to make the best sitcom ever.

**Zerok:** [deadpan] Being part of a story about an unlikeable character. What an honor.

**Bowser:** Don't like it? Then beat it, pest!

**Audience: **Fight! Fight! Fight!

**Zerok:** [Sneering while taking katana out] Now that's what I like to hear.

**Author:** Wait! Everyone calm down. What about the friendly chat about the sitcom?

[A boxing ring appears out of thin air. Kino is selling popsicles, Dolphinius is selling sushi. Mario and Luigi take a seat next to Daisy and Peach. Yoshi is sitting in the celebrity stands surrounded by a ton of food. Art is selling Zerok paraphernalia. The Koopaling are chanting 'Bowser.' The boxing host appears; it's the SMPRG quizmaster, Dr. Topper.]

**Dr. Topper: **Your host, Dr. T, in the fight of the millennium. On the red corner: leader of the invincible Koopa Troop, successfully kidnaps Peach once every Friday, and has fathered 8 kids. Weighing as much as the North Pole, a vicious fool stomper and a brute of monstrous strength: BOOOOOOOOOOWSEEEEERR!

[Bowser raises his arms in victory. Audience goes wild.]

**Dr. Topper:** And on the blue corner, defector of the organization Echleon, master of shadows and wielder of the dark katana, Umbra. Weighing who knows how much, sporting a 'borg of an eye and watch out; you blink and it's game over. ZEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOK!

[Zerok does fancy swordplay and strikes a pose. More cheering]

[Off to the side is the author, disappointed. He face palms and looks at his watch.]

**Author: **Well, look at the time. It's been a pleasure of having you tune to this station. Thank you for watching the _The Interrupting Cow News Broadcast._ I'm your host…

**Interrupting Cow:** MOOOOOOO!


	2. Everyone Hates Mary Sue

Clip ONE

_Once upon a time, there was a perfectly sunny day, so Mary Sue went out on a walk with Peach and Daisy. Suddenly, a fire broke out in a house located in a distant hill with one tree. A fire truck miraculously pulled over; the fireman Toad went to work sick and was all alone._

**Fireman Toad:** [coughs] Princess, I'm afraid I can't make it to the house. Please save them. [passes out]

**Peach:** What do we do? I can't drive that!

**Daisy:** All I've driven is a go-kart!

Mary Sue got on and drove the fire truck. She has a flashback…

_An impossibly possible flashback of Mary Sue 5 years ago…_

**Random Old Man: **Trust the inner you to guide you out of trouble.

_Back to "reality"…_

**Mary Sue:** [thinks] I don't know if I can do this. But I must!

_Mary Sue arrives at the scene. The house is burning, and a male Toad is trapped inside. There is no fire hydrant in sight. What can she do?_

**Mary Sue:** With no source of water, I will cry. I will use the archaic and sexist stereotype of the common sensitive female, and use my exaggerated flow of tears to put out this fire, and attempt to sound intelligent while I'm at it. Here goes.

_She cries. The overflowing tears put it out. The Toad comes out of the house and goes to her. Out of nowhere, random Toads and koopas surround her, and pick her up._

**Random Koopa:** She's a hero!

**Saved Toad:** Let's give her the key to the city!

**Mary Sue:** [blushing] I… I don't know what to say…

**Fireman Toad:** [gets up quickly] I suddenly feel all better after witnessing the impossible and saccharine rescue done by an unlikable character. Yahoo!

**Peach and Daisy:** [Glare]

* * *

Clip TWO

_Breaking News! Mt. Lava-lava has erupted, forcing entire Yoshi communities to evacuate to an inhospitable part of the island. With little food and fresh water, what will they do?_

**Yoshi Village Leader:** [diplomatically in yoshi language] My fellow compatriots! We have suffered a great catastrophe. But we shan't give up hope!

_Suddenly, a big cargo boat appears docked near the refugees. The side doors open and handsome Toad and Koopa men emerge with supplies from the inside. Mary Sue stood on top of the deck._

**Mary Sue:** Dear Yoshis. We came here as fast as we could, after reading the previous three paragraphs. I have brought with me a lifetime supply of food and fresh water, administered by the handsomest men in the Mushroom World. I pull out of my left pocket a limitless amount of gold coins, and out of my right, a potion that will miraculously turn this barren wasteland into the home you were forced out of. And you will all understand me, despite me not being able to speak "Yoshi."

_Cheering ensues. Suddenly, everything becomes just like before, streets forming out of nothing, and houses poofing into existence. _

Random Yoshi: [amidst cheering; in yoshi language] We love you!

**Mary Sue:** ['moe' laugh with eyes closed] Thank you. And I understood that without any knowledge of your language. [keeps laughing]

**Yoshi Village Leader:** [thinking in yoshi language] What… just… happened?

* * *

Clip THREE

**Sport's Announcer:** We return to the Mushroom Kingdom Dome, home of the Mushroom Knights. This is not looking good for the Knights. It's the fourth down, and the opposing team, the Koopa Troop, has successfully pushed them back, and lead the game by 1 point. With one less player on their side, what will the Knights do?

**Random Cheerleading Birdo:** [deep voice] GOOOO KNIGHTS!

**Mary Sue:** [holding pompons close to face; thinks] Oh no! They need a player! I must do something…

**Knights' Quarterback:** Ready… Set… Hut!

**Sport's Announcer:** [vigorous] And the play begins! No. 1 is being rushed… and he passes it randomly so it can be caught inexplicably by a random person who isn't supposed to play in the first place.

_Mary Sue runs into the field and unbelievably reaches the ball before it is caught by the Koopa Troop. She makes her way to the end zone. A trooper is about to tackle her but misses. Another is accidentally tackled by his own team member. A third is a short distance away, but Mary Sue ducks, making the burly guy miss by a hair line. _

_When she reaches the end zone, she is greeted by the biggest brute of the team. He sneers; there is no way she could dodge him now. Phenomenally, a cross-dimensional portal opens behind him and pulls him in. She then walks past the end zone._

**Sport's Announcer:** [vigorous] TOUCHDOWN! And this is game because it happens that the last minute ran while all those game plays magically geared to the random cheerleader's favor!

**Mary Sue:** I can't believe it! We won!

_All the football players lift her on their shoulders and carry her to the middle of the field to celebrate. She is handed the championship trophy. She laughs while confetti flies behind her triumphant gaze._

**Koopa Trooper:** Has anyone seen Roy? He was last seen trying to stop a 'perfect' girl from scoring.

* * *

Clip FOUR

_It's raining and lightning is flashing. Zerok is lying on the floor bruised. Smithy has gotten the upper hand of the battle and has left Zerok without any strength._

**Zerok:** [thinks as he wearily pants] I can't read his cybernetic mind, and I ran out of strength. I need a miracle.

**Mary Sue:** [wielding Zerok's katana] Don't worry, Zerok. I will rid this place of that monster. I will take him down with this sword that I have had no training in using, but will use it masterfully in matter of seconds.

_Mary Sue defeats Smithy in a matter of seconds._

**Smithy** [as he self destructs] How could I, an overly powerful enemy who beat up another overly powerful character, be taken out by a perfect one? I can't fathom seeing such perfection. AAAAAAH! [explodes]

_Mary Sue runs up to the wounded black Yoshi. She is weeping._

**Mary Sue:** [broken voice] You can't die like this.

**Zerok:** [nonchalant] Well, I did die in a fanfic by the author's friend.

**Mary Sue:** NO! You will survive. And... you will have lots of babies… and watch them grow… And you will die and old, old Yoshi. I will now kiss your lips, and you will suddenly be healed, and we will get married somewhere fancy, and live happily ever after.

_Mary Sue closes her eyes and puckers her lips. Zerok's eyes widen and he covers his mouth while making a gagging sound._

**Zerok:** I can't take this anymore! [He rushes offstage.]

**Director:** CUT!

* * *

The Author's Office…

**Author:** [sighs] How can I say this? Mary, we've had a… uh, 'interesting,' time having you participate in our sitcom. But you see, our ratings are falling and we want to stay on air, so, we must let you go.

**Mary Sue:** I understand. [covers her eyes with her left arm] I know that a perfect girl like me must humbly accept your request of ceasing to deliver perfect lines and deeds, to have a ridiculously abnormal intelligence gain in minutes, and to be chased by male groupies.

**Author: **[annoyed] Right…

_The art dude Art walks in; he sees Mary Sue…_

**Art:** _Oh là là! La objet d'art__!_ May I paint you ze portrait?

**Mary Sue:** I can't accept the offer of you painting my perfect self.

**Art:** I'll be quick.

_He gets a canvas and places it directly in front of Mary Sue, hiding her from sight. Art paints a portrait of the room without her._

**Author:** [looking at the picture] You have skill. [Looks over towards Mary Sue; she's gone.] Where's Mary Sue?

**Art:** Gone like ze wind. I painted her out of the sitcom.

**The rest of the Cast:** [appearing out of nowhere] Thank you for doing us all a favor! [looking at the audience] And this has been…

**Author: **Everyone Hates Mary Sue!

* * *

**A/N: No insult intended to the ladies out there; only Mary Sue. Zerok Edwards and Art belong to Ironpatriotrox. Special in-story shout out to Manias 3.0.**


	3. The YouTube Video

_Iggy was alone at Bowser's Castle, taking care of his brother Iggy. He was leaning on his arm, looking out a window; he was bored. Lemmy rushed in with a box. Iggy looked inside, and got the worst idea, and rushed to a room with a computer._

_[One finished product later…]_

**Author:** The following wanna-be YouTube movie is a complete rip-off brought to you by the _ICBN._ Risk of dementia after viewing once. Viewer discretion advised.

* * *

**TOP 40 GHETTO MARIO NAMES**

40)

**Iggy:** Mario.

**Lemmy:** Don't start without me!

39)

**Iggy:** Peach.

**Lemmy:** Who names their kids after fruit?

38)

**Lemmy:** Iggy!

**Iggy:** [looks at Lemmy] Hey!

37)

**Iggy:** Exor

**Lemmy:** [dressed like a musketeer, holding a rapier up] One for me and all for me!

36)

**Iggy:** [nervously] Shroob?

**Lemmy:** It rhymes with… [Cut off]

35)

**Lemmy:** Frogfucius!

**Iggy:** [Wearing a robe and a fake Fu Manchu 'stache] Mallow, my boy, I'm not your grandpa.

[Audience gasps.]

34)

**Iggy:** Fishmael.

**Lemmy:** [holding his nose; speaks a bit stilted] You smell like fish!

33)

**Lemmy:** Dyllis.

**Iggy:** [Holds up a 'No Comment' sign.]

32)

**Iggy:** [Waves crash in the background and lightning flashes] BIG BERTHA!

**Lemmy:** Look! A fish version of Wendy!

31)

**Lemmy:** Ludwig von Koopa.

**Iggy:** [wears a Ludwig mask] I suck!

30)

**Iggy:** Yoshi.

**Lemmy:** [sounding like a Yoshi] Yoshi!

29)

**Lemmy:** Cheep Cheep.

**Iggy:** Better than Expensive Expensive.

[Cue drum set]

28)

**Iggy:** Bow.

**Lemmy:** [Dressed as Robin Hood; speaks in a deep, charming voice] And arrow.

27)

**Lemmy:** Emoglobin.

**Iggy:** [Deadpan. Dressed in dull colored clothes, black beanie, and has black make-up under his eyes.]

26)

**Iggy:** Gaz.

**Lemmy:** [Smiling] It's what I pass. [poot!]

25)

**Lemmy:** Bonetail.

**Iggy:** [Wags a bony tail attached on his butt.]

24)

**Iggy:** Bonehead.

**Lemmy:** [Wears a Dry Bones' head]

23)

**Both:** Boooones!

[Cue a movie clip showing Ludwig playing a Dry Bones' xylophone.]

22)

**Iggy:** Grifty.

**Lemmy:** [Is about to say something, but face palms instead.]

21)

**Lemmy:** Goombario.

**Iggy:** [Leaning on a Goombario statue] Can't blame the kid for having dull parents.

20)

**Iggy:** Chuck Quizmo.

**Lemmy:** QU-IIIIIIIIIIIIZ!

19)

**Lemmy:** Hulu.

**Iggy:** [Scratches his head] Isn't that a website?

18)

**Iggy:** Kent C. Koopa.

**Lemmy:** [Walks around with eyes closed. Bumps into Iggy and both fall, making the camera fall with them and film their feet.]

17)

**Lemmy:** Fautso.

**Iggy:** You meant Wario, right?

16)

**Iggy: **Uh… [Shrugs] Joe?

**Lemmy:** Ha, ha, ha! [Wipes tear off eye] SO original!

15)

**Lemmy:** [with a dynamic voice that shakes the screen] KAAAAZOOOIE!

**Iggy:** That's not a Mario name!

14)

**Iggy: **Pokey.

**Lemmy:** [dancing Hokey Pokey in clown clothing] And you do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around.

[Cuts to next name]

13)

**Lemmy:** L33t Hamm3r Broz.

**Iggy: **[angrily snatches the list from Lemmy's hands] Let me see that!

12)

**Iggy: **[Furrows brow] Fawful.

**Lemmy:** [wearing Fawful glasses, speaks with a quick, goofy accent] I have chortles!

11)

**Lemmy:** Ding-a-Ling!

**Iggy:** [Plays a gong.]

10)

**Iggy:** Koops.

**Lemmy:** Rhymes with 'poops.'

9)

**Lemmy:** Chet Rippo.

**Iggy:** Give me yo' money! [Roy comes out of nowhere and gives him a wedgie.] [Iggy does a girly squeal.]

8)

**Iggy:** Donkey Kong.

**Lemmy:** [Wearing a rainbow colored tie and holding a plantain] Ba-na-na!

7)

**Lemmy:** Bahamutt.

**Iggy: **[looking ahead] Don't even ask.

6)

**Iggy: **Boo!

**Lemmy:** [frightened] Ah!

5)

**Lemmy:** Tatanga.

**Iggy:** [Strikes a sexy pose, but realizes mistake.] Can we do that one again?

4)

**Lemmy:** Blooper!

**Iggy:** [Has annoyed face.]

3)

**Iggy:** Lemmy!

**Lemmy:** [holds up a victory sign] Yay! I'm third place!

2)

**Lemmy: **The Old Psychic Lady with the Evil Eye Who Reads Fortunes and Knows Everything Before it Happens.

**Iggy: **[wears a wig and is scrambling to put on one of Kammy Koopa's robes.] Hold on! I'm not ready!

[Accidentally steps on robe and pulls, falls on his back, ripping the robe. A hairy mole pops off his nose.]

1)

[Drum roll]

**Both: **LUIGI!

* * *

_Reactions to the video…_

**Bowser:** [Glares at computer screen; face palms and sighs.] I guess I found my camera.

xoxoxox

**Goomba:** What?! I didn't make even 40?

xoxoxox

**Ludwig:** [Pulling on hair; later points at computer screen while talking] My name zis not ghet-toh! [Stomps foot on ground] Dat zit! Me zis going to play ze organ!

xoxoxox

**Julian:** [deadpan] Sal, what did you make me watch?

**Salemence:** [Laughing a riot] Ha, ha, ha! Luigi! What mavericks! What kind of idiot is named 'Luigi?'

xoxoxox

**Luigi:** [Sweat drops, later slams face in desk.]

* * *

**A/N: If you can guess where I ripped this out of, I'll ask Ironpatriotrox to give you any remaining lint he has in his pocket. YouTube is property of YouTube.**


	4. Orbimon

**Narrator:** In our last episode, Iggy and Lemmy made a video… Excuse me…

[Sound of ruffling paper]

**Narrator: **Here it is. [Clears throat nervously] After walking miles and miles of countryside without getting mugged; Mario, Daisy, Salemence, and Yoshi are heading over to the Toad Town, where Mario must battle the next boss for a Star Sprite. But first, they stop by the famously expensive Shroom Grocery.

**Salemence: **Wait for me outside while I hit on the beautiful female cashier inside this store!

[Amorously runs inside.]

**Daisy: **[sarcastically] Oh, gee! What a perfect invitation for a trio of evil mercenaries to drop in on us and recite an overly ridiculous motto, don't you think, Mario?

[Bowser, Kammy Koopa, and Fawful drop in on them.]

**Kammy:** Prepare for adversity!

**Bowser: **What rhymes with that? [Silence, then shrugs] City?

**Kammy:** To destroy the Toads within the nation!

**Bowser: **To stomp on fools for personal gratification! [Winks]

**Bowser: **[with hearts in his eyes] To affectionately win over Peach's love.

**Kammy:** [looking at Bowser with the corner of her eyes, irritated] To soar on my broom over the clouds above!

**Kammy:** Kammy!

**Bowser: **Bowser!

**Kammy: **The Koopa Troop is there to worsen any plight!

**Bowser: **Look at these muscles! [points at arms, then winks again] Ain't I tight?

**Fawful:** I have chortles!

**Mario and Co.: **[beat]

[Director runs into the stage and whispers into Mario's ear.]

**Mario:** [looks at Director] Oh, I forgot.

[Director leaves.]

**Mario:** [pretends to be surprised] The Koopa Troop!

**Bowser: **That's right, fools! We're going to steal all of your items.

**Mario: **I will like to see you try.

**Bowser: **A battle now, is it? Prepare for trouble!

[Screen splits horizontally; Mario furrows on top and Bowser glares on bottom.]

[Cue dramatic battle music and screen fades to black.]

[Bowser glides to the right of the screen, while Mario slides left.]

**Mario: **Yoshi, I choose you!

**Yoshi:** [Runs into battle] Yoshi!

**Bowser: **A dinosaur type, huh? In that case, [grabs a Mario Party orb and chucks it] Goomba, come on out!

**Goomba: **[Nonchalant] Do I have to say my name incoherently?

**Bowser: **This wouldn't be a proper spoof if you didn't!

**Goomba: **[irked] Goom! Goom!

**Mario: **[Sarcastic] Ha! What are you going to do with that pathetic squirt? Get it stomped? [pointing at Goomba] Yoshi, Ground Pound!

[Yoshi Ground Pound's Goomba.]

**Goomba:** [slides face up with swirly eyes] Gooooom…

**Bowser:** [points orb at Goomba] Goomba, return! [Grabs another orb and throws it] Parakoopa, don't fail me now!

**Parakoopa: **[makes the Koopa noise and lands next to Fawful]

[Parakoopa sees Mario and Yoshi, and takes a couple steps back. Parakoopa flies away.]

**Bowser:** [annoyed look]

**Mario: **With no else left, I'll finish you off. [Striking a pose, while clenching fists] Now, Yoshi, use Thunder!

**Yoshi:** [Annoyed, raising eyebrow] Yoshi?

[Everyone beat while Mario keeps the pose]

**Mario: **Alright then, you leave me no choice but to use my strongest. [Casually to Yoshi] Oh, by the way, I'm releasing you to the wild. Goodbye!

[Yoshi sweat drops and leaves]

**Mario: **[grabs a Mario Party orb] Beware of this baby; I caught her last Friday!

[Mario throws the orb. And a shadowy figure appears]

**?: **[exaggerated gasp] Finally! Fresh air! I am so sick of being inside a cramped orb.

**Bowser:** [surprised look] So that is why you weren't at the castle.

['?' is revealed to be Peach, who is glaring angrily at Mario. He looks away.]

**Peach:** How could you do this to me?

**Mario: **At least you were safe with me!

**Peach:** Safe?! Rolling inside the orbs we used back in Mario Party 5?! I've been in there for days!

[Indistinct arguing. Bowser looks forward.]

_2 hours later…_

[Indistinct arguing. Bowser has crossed his arms.]

**Bowser:** [Bored] Look, can we just battle?

**Peach:** [Glares back with glowing red eyes] Shut up!

[Peach slaps Bowser and sends him flying.]

**Kammy: **How did I end up flying too?

**Fawful: **I have FURY!

**Bowser:** [holding chin] What do I say now that we're blasting off? We can't yell the famous catch phrase here.

[They disappear into the night sky and become a constellation. Peach and Mario continue arguing.]

_At a random smoothie bar…_

**Yoshi:** Yoshi, yoshi yoshi? {So, Sal, had any luck with that cashier?}

**Salemence:** [sighs] No, she freaked me out to be honest. When I got close, I saw she was the same fat Birdo cheerleader from two chapters ago. And that deep voice of hers was... [Shudders] What happened to you?

**Yoshi:** Huh, yoshi yoshi. Yoshi yoshi? {Mario released me back into the wild. You do anything else other than getting scarred for life?}

**Salemence: **[pulls out a Pokéball, sounds excited] I caught a wild Salamence with this weird red and white Mario Party orb!

**Yoshi:** [Beat] Yoshi? {The author just had to do that?}

* * *

**A/N: Salamence is the Pokémon, and **_**Salemence**_** is my OC. Please review and like. Someone I know will appreciate it.**


	5. Mario, the Last Super Star

**Peach:** [_narrating_] Toads...

[Shadow of Toad picking up a vegetable and throws it.]

Goombas...

[Shadow of Gommbario headbonking a rock and smashes it.]

Koopas...

[Shadow of Bowser doing his 'Japanese SMRPG' victory pose.]

Plumbers.

[Shadow of Luigi running away from Big Boo.]

Long ago, the four groups lived together in… the Mushroom World. Then everything changed when the Koopa Troop attacked.

[A Fire Bro., Hammer Bro., and a Boomerang Bro. launch their attack at the screen.]

Only Mario, master of jumping, hammer smashing, golfing, partying, go karting, um… [Clears throat] could stop them. But when the world needed him most, he left to film a movie that was an utter failure. Luigi tried to stop them while Mario was gone, but a boo appeared, and well, the rest is history. I am still waiting here in Bowser's Castle, ready to be saved by anyone. But I believe Mario can save the Mushroom Kingdom.

* * *

**A/N: ****Got suggestions? Send me a PM! I won't do everything, but you'll probably see something you might like soon. Don't forget to like and review!**


	6. The News Station Hour

**Author:** [lively] _Xin chào quí vị__. _Welcome the news segment of the_ ICNB._

**Audience:** [Applause and Cheers]

**Author:** [still lively] Thank you all. First off, we will be going to the Yoshi Village destroyed four chapters ago by Mt. Lavalava. Vanna T. has more information on the issue. Vanna.

[Cuts to a game show called _Fortunate Helm_. Vanna T. is wearing a long evening gown and a diamond necklace. Mr. Hammer bought a vowel and she has just pressed the screen revealing an 'O'.]

**Chuck Quizmo:** You want to solve, Mr. Hammer?

**Mr. Hammer:** [nervously] I'll spin!

[He spins and gets 'Bankrupt,' also loosing the trip on a cruiser to Mt. Lavalava.]

**Mr. Hammer:** [covers his face in frustration] Curses!

**Dr. Topper:** [Displays a smug grin] Spin!

[He spins and it stops at an all-paid trip to Mt. Lavalava. The crowd cheers.]

**Chuck Quizmo:** [smiles] Letter?

**Dr. Topper:** [Thinks for a couple of seconds.] 'W'!

**Chuck Quizmo:** And… we got one.

[Vanna T. walks to the first letter as the crowd claps.]

**Dr. Topper:** I would like to solve!

[Pause]

**Dr. Topper: **"We are on air!"

[Chuck and Vanna face fault as crowd gasps.]

**Chuck Quizmo:** [blushing] Indeed we are. See you later!

**Dr. Topper:** [angrily]What about my trip?

**Chuck Quizmo:** [to the camera] Bye!

[The Scenic Crew pushes away the board and game show props, while Vanna T. rips off her gown, revealing an archeological outfit. A hat magically falls on her head and she grabs a mike from the floor. She suddenly looks professional.]

**Vanna T.: **Thanks, Ed. As you can see in the background, much of the village was destroyed…

[One boring news story later…]

**Vanna T.: ** The Yoshi Village authorities have declined to speak more about the issue. Ed, back to you.

[Cuts back to the Station.]

**Interrupting Cow:** [face covers the camera] MOOOOOOO!

**Author:** [peeved; pushes Cow away.] Not now, you dolt! [Acts as if nothing happened] Anyway, thank you, Vanna. We have hired people to work with our local authorities to search for lost people. If you have any clues to locate call our new hotline: 1 800, K-S-M-Y-B-U-T. Again: 1 800, 5-7-6-9-2-8-8.

[Cuts to operators]

**Daisy:** [picks up the phone] ICBN Hotline. How can we help?

**Caller:** I have information on the whereabouts of Mary Sue…

[Daisy squicks. She quickly unwraps a mint and crumples the foil on the transmitter end of the handset.]

**Daisy:** [frantically calm] Um, hello? I can't hear what you're saying!

**Caller:** I said that I have information on the whereabouts of Mary Sue…

**Daisy:** [still crumpling the foil] I can only hear static. There is something wrong in your end.

**Caller:** But I can hear you just fine!

**Daisy:** I'm losing [crumples foil] I can't he… [Crumples foil] saying… [More foil crumpling followed by the hang-up dial tone.]

**Caller:** [Beat.]

[Cuts back to station]

**Author:** [Confidently] No one person will be denied help from our trustworthy crew here at the…

**Interrupting Cow:** [udders cover the camera] MOOOOOOO!

**Author:** [pushes Cow away] That'll only bring you to the jail yard!

**Camera Man:** [whispering] Yo, author. It's time for the break.

**Author:** [Confidently] Well, look at the time. Please stay tuned as we take a break from…

**Interrupting Cow:** MOOOOOOO!

**Author:** [Begins to choke the Cow] Why did we think bringing you here was a good idea?

[The author elbows the Cow into the ground and chokes it once more, tearing down the studio as well.]

**Camera Man:** Yo, author! You're tearing down the set! [A camera falls] NO! My 10,000 coin camera!

**Interrupting Cow:** [struggling as it gets choked] MAAAAARGH!

[Transmission gets cut off. A commercial for milk plays.]

* * *

**A/N: The greeting is in Vietnamese; I only know a little.**


	7. Arg! The Music Video

**Announcer:** The _ICBN_ proudly presents the Musical Segment. This is the part of the show where three real life pirates sing their new pirated music video. Please enjoy at your own risk.

* * *

[Music plays. Jonathan Jones, Cortez, and Captain Syrup are riding a pirate ship amidst a raging ocean.]

**Jones, Syrup, Cortez:** We're real pirates that plunder everything.

Music videos, we'll bootleg them! [Captain Syrup making money from music sales]

Don't like this rip-off? Read the next chapter,

And if we see you…

**Jones:** We'll just take everything.

We will steal all of your mushrooms, [Cortez becomes a giant destroying Toad Harbor]

And we'll take your fire flowers. [Cap. Syrup shooting Toads with machine guns.]

And we'll take away the items that you safely put away. [Cortez opening a vault full of items]

Catch us stealing all your wishes. [Cap. Syrup reading Luigi's diary]

Your star pieces, smelly fishes [Johnny holding an indigo-colored star.]

In a lonely isle we'll abandon you today!

**Jones, Syrup, Cortez:** We're real pirates that plunder everything.

The Navy'll never, catch us now! [The three fleeing the authorities.]

Luigi's crying; we stole his diary.

We'll mock those losers…

**Syrup:** [alluring] And leave them nothing. [Audience whistles]

I will spy into your e-mail,

I will blackmail your attorney. [Johnny scaring a lawyer Toad.]

I will hack in your bank account you think will safely be. [Cortez opening a vault full of money]

I will copy your fanfic story

Put my name and make you worry,

And the newest hit will be not be yours today!

**Jones, Syrup, Cortez: **'Cause We're real pirates that plunder everything.

Passing fish boats, to Peach's yacht. [all three invading Daisy's yacht]  
We rigged their big boats, with our explosives. [A ship blows up.]

What do we want, ye ask?...

**Cortez: **[Spaniard accent] Just about anything!

And I'm going to steal your money,

And I'm going to steal your money, [Johnny raising his brow]

And I'm going to steal your money… 'cause… I forgot my line.

And I'll hit you with my peg leg. [takes his bone leg off and swings at the air.]

And I'll infect you with my scurvy, [Syrup rolling her eyes, and face palms.]

[Opera style] And through the mighty plank I'll make you walk.

[Spoken while music plays in background.]

**Syrup:** Cortez, you're not supposed to improvise. This is a live recording that's being broadcasted on television.

**Cortez: **[Spaniard accent] But I forgot my lines! They were about red coins or something like that.

**Jones:** Follow me lead, mateys. Ol' Cap'n Johnny 'ill lead ya'!

Well, we're…

[They hold onto each others shoulders.]

**Jones, Syrup, Cortez: **Going to steal your red coins,

And we're stealing all yo' blue coins

And we're taking all your gold coins, and the silver ones as well

We are stealing your bronze statues,

your Ferraris and Picassos.

[Music stops]

**Jones, Syrup, Cortez: **[Barbershop style] And we plunder everybody all year-round!

[Spoken as they all get off stage, their voices fading as they leave.]

**Jones:** Thar ye go, mateys!

**Cortez:** [Spaniard accent] That wasn't so bad!

**Syrup:** It stinks! Like if anyone will watch this crap! I am sticking to my WarioWare sitcom.

**Cortez:** Oh no! My leg won't go back in!

**Jones:** Arg! I found me a star piece!

* * *

**A/N: Don't take this to much to heart. Yes, my pirate talk ain't all that great, but stay tuned. And eat your veggies too!**


	8. The Koopa Korner Poem 1

**Anouncer: **Welcome to a new segment of… The Koopa Korner Lounge, a place where aspiring artists from all over the Mushroom World debut for their artistic career. For today's show we are featuring the man an ultimate goal, the epitome of manliness and the very definition of 'manly', the grand leader… BOWSER!

[Bowser steps onto the stage with a roar. The Toads and Koopas in the audience clap each others hands. A sky blue Yoshi wearing a brown barrette, a striped, long sleeve turtle neck, and a monocle on his right eye plays the bongos as Bowser take out a piece of paper and clears his throat.]

* * *

_8 Things I Love about Me_

**Bowser: **I love my great looks and brawny physique,

A strength of a thousand bears.

I love it when I take Peach into my clown car,

Even more when Mario just stares.

I wearing slick boots and white suits

Show my masculinity even more. [He winks at a nearby female Toad; she faints.]

I love hitting you and making you sick,

Stomping your foolish face into the floor.

I Love it that I'm always right,

And you're always wrong.

I love tearing kingdoms to bits,

And the victorious sound of my ultimate throng.

I love being the winner,

Triumphantly standing above my foes.

But mostly I like me, the definition of 'man',

Go ahead and fight me… It's only the start of your woes.

* * *

[Awkward silence. Then, the Koopas in the lounge stand up and cheer loudly. A Toad tries to boo, but is silenced by a Boomerang Bro. stuffing a biscotti in his mouth.]

**Fire Bro.: **Dude, why are we clapping?

**Hammer Bro.: **I don't know; I don't get poetry. But if you want to keep your job, "just smile and clap, bro." [Forced a smile while looking where Bowser is bowing] "Smile and Clap."

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed. Please review. Thanks!**


	9. Whomp Ease: The Debut

**Narrator: **In a world where pirates run rampant, and many join piracy in hopes of wealth and fame, one in particular conquered the entire sea. From Sea Side, to the oceans beyond Dinosaur Land, he made them his; he's Gold Mario. And before his passing, he made the bold declaration: "My fame and wealth, are they your hearts desire? Then search beyond the roughest seas; they're all hidden in the peaceful land of Whomp Ease. "

With that, pirates and mercenaries set sail, with hope of one day, becoming a rich and renowned man of the sea. Then, one day…

From the riverbed of Koopa Village, Koopas and Bob-obms were waving farewell to a lone, blue shelled Koopa riding a small ship. Some cheered, some cried, Koopa Koot was appalled by this Koopa's decision and determination. As the raft finally sets sail, we see Kooper waving back.

**Kooper: **Later, you guys! Say hello to mom for me, will ya? Tell Kolorado I had a good time traveling in his expeditions.

**K. Koot:** [being held back by two younger Koopas as he flailed around his cane] You get your blue shell over here. No brigand will come from our village. You still owe me a favor.

**Bombette:** [Next to her newlywed husband, Bruce] We'll miss you. Remember me in your journey.

**Kolorado's wife: **Be safe. I'll keep your mail safe with me.

**Mort T. (innkeeper):** We'll throw a big party for you when you come back!

_[The further the ship went down the river, the further and quieter the village seemed. The excitement he felt was just like the rushing river under him, and the tranquil wind that passed through the tops of the leafy trees only pushed him closer to his goal. He finally reaches the wide, southern sea, and is greeted by a giant sea Nep-enut.]_

_[Kooper then retreats into his shell and starts spinning. At the right moment, he blasts into the Nep-enut and knocks it back into the sea. Kooper then pops out and smiles at his victory, landing nicely on his boat.]_

**Kooper: **Ha, ha, ha! I'm pumped! Now, I sail forth to adventure. I need to recruit members for my crew! I'll conquer the entire ocean. I'll be… The next MAN OF THE SEA!

* * *

**A/N: Maybe not a funny chapter, but a parody nonetheless. And yes, it's a parody of something famous. If you like the idea and want it to be a separate spoof, let others know and have them tell me through a PM. Please review! Thanks for watching, er, reading!**


End file.
